My life.....

MY LIFE IS WHAT
There once had to be a time when my life wasn’t bound up in misery and pain, but when was that? Childhood?, hah. Was it being a teen? Let me rethink ever saying that. My 20s? Not really. When I met this girl I thought loved me? I might have once thought it so. No my contentment can only span short eras of time, for it is a grand laugh between the Almighty, and the cosmos, that I could ever think I might be truly happy. They all discard me eventually.
And now, here I am, to be thrown away, Daily.
The woman I love does this quite, gayley. Oh, yes you heard right I still love her, even though I get no sex or even, a snuggle. Not even in below freezing weather. Every weekend I now dread, listening to the pair make love in my stead. Wait, don’t be mislead, I love my wife I said. She however has this way when others are near I fade away.
Oh, how she tells me she tries to include me. All I might need for reassurance is her touch to bemuse me. Denied and thought so little of, Can’t remember it, she will say.
If only she showed a little more affection, or at least wouldn’t turn mine away. Alas and anon. My sex life is gone. All sacrificed to the altar of her true self, I collect dust, like a toy in the shelf. My penis is unused. It has no memory of itself. At this she will scoff, it may even fall off.
Why do I try? Why not go away? Something inside me hopes and does pray, the woman who loves me, still in there somewhere. Can break through this ice and not pretend, but care. I awoke in the morning after accepting a half felt apology with sorrow for her OWN loss, only to watch her crawl into the bed of the Other.
Now, before you misread and think I dislike the other, Nay, for at least they give her whatever I’m lacking.
The fault is something most likely in me, Though I dare not deduce. For all my efforts are as spit in the rain. She lay there happily as they snore to each other. What have I done to deserve a heartache so grand. An irreparable tear though my very soul. No apology from either will fix what’s the matter, it is my mind, an old shirt now all a-tatter. Pull the first loose thread you find, go ahead it’s just my fragile mind.
Caloo-calay is it frabtious day? Twinkle-twinkle little bat, aw, fuck that. You make me long for days long past. I had a Nene Who loved me no-matter what I do wrong or say snidely.
At some points I remember relationships with women besides her. None so agonizing as today, watching my wife, with another lay. So much pain, not for any cheating. My wife and I agreed to this for her completing. I thought it was ok, until I noticed the small differences in the ways she interacts with said, Other.
More care is given, mutually over the others feelings and bodies, than I’ve seen from my wife since the first eve of our wedding bed.
No gentle caress, no pet names for me. Just are “you comfy?” as my arm for her pillow, she drifts to slumber. AS for her affection, I guess, take a number. Wish I could die, it’s supposed tobe that she feels so tenderly, passionately for me. If for another, as well as I, the problem would be far, far diminished. Which is not the case, and I fear our love is closer to finished. If you’ve read this rant to completion, you understand the delicate mind of a madman, Who wants Cake?