deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Flower's Bloom
A black rose arose from the soil of its mother's womb
Determined to survive and thrive in a world that's cruel
As its petals began to bloom, rising towards the Sun
Others tried to steal its joy like a robber with a gun
Dark clouds for miles started to dim the light
With perseverance determinates it began to fight
Using all of its might, it refused to let itself wilt
Standing tall through it all like a clown on stilts
It was built to battle against those seeking chattel
Beating the odds it worked hard to avoid being rattled
Its petals managed to get damaged by the many storms
But they nourished its roots and helped it grow strong
Determined to survive and thrive in a world that's cruel
As its petals began to bloom, rising towards the Sun
Others tried to steal its joy like a robber with a gun
Dark clouds for miles started to dim the light
With perseverance determinates it began to fight
Using all of its might, it refused to let itself wilt
Standing tall through it all like a clown on stilts
It was built to battle against those seeking chattel
Beating the odds it worked hard to avoid being rattled
Its petals managed to get damaged by the many storms
But they nourished its roots and helped it grow strong
Published 24th Jun 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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24th Jun 2019 8:25am
dearest Damon inspiring write
you and my collab. partner were on similar
wavelengths tonight he wrote of a black rose too...
this is beautiful...
love Brenda 🌹
you and my collab. partner were on similar
wavelengths tonight he wrote of a black rose too...
this is beautiful...
love Brenda 🌹
24th Jun 2019 4:33pm
24th Jun 2019 9:33am
This lovely write reminded me of that quote;
“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower...” - Alexander Den Heijer
A fine write elaborating upon then aforementioned, Damon... 🌻
“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower...” - Alexander Den Heijer
A fine write elaborating upon then aforementioned, Damon... 🌻
24th Jun 2019 4:33pm
Anonymous
- Edited 24th Jun 2019 5:28pm
24th Jun 2019 5:23pm
You have the makings of a great poem, but I feel extraneous words are slowing it down.
"A black rose arose from the soil of its mother's womb
Determined to survive and thrive in a world that's cruel
As its petals began to bloom, rising towards the Sun
Others tried to steal its joy like a robber with a gun"
a (black) rose/arose isn't isn's flowing well because it reads more like stuttering due to the repetition. Meanwhile, thrive already implies survival was accomplished.
"Black Rose emerged from mother's soil womb
Determined, it thrives within world cruel"
Petals unfurled in joyous bloom towards sun
Survives theft of its jewel when under gun"
This reads faster and smoother without the excess words, retains your "ive" rhyme. "Jewel" and "unfurled" work well with "cruel" and "world".
A flower blooms, not its individual petals, so it becomes a more accurate description as well.
"A black rose arose from the soil of its mother's womb
Determined to survive and thrive in a world that's cruel
As its petals began to bloom, rising towards the Sun
Others tried to steal its joy like a robber with a gun"
a (black) rose/arose isn't isn's flowing well because it reads more like stuttering due to the repetition. Meanwhile, thrive already implies survival was accomplished.
"Black Rose emerged from mother's soil womb
Determined, it thrives within world cruel"
Petals unfurled in joyous bloom towards sun
Survives theft of its jewel when under gun"
This reads faster and smoother without the excess words, retains your "ive" rhyme. "Jewel" and "unfurled" work well with "cruel" and "world".
A flower blooms, not its individual petals, so it becomes a more accurate description as well.
29th Jun 2019 8:58pm
