deepundergroundpoetry.com
THE STUPID MOUSE
THE STUPID MOUSE
A tiger cub was shy and dull.
A mouse assisted him to gain
the courage that all tigers owned
to get the name he should attain.
It taught him how to swim and climb
high mountains and to reach the peak,
to be so bold, to be so strong,
and when in hunger what to seek.
The tiger got so bold and strong
and held the post through what it taught.
He started to despise his friends,
and his foes with great fear were fraught.
One day, he was with hunger struck.
He looked around for what to eat.
No food was found to calm him down.
The mouse could form his piece of meat.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
A tiger cub was shy and dull.
A mouse assisted him to gain
the courage that all tigers owned
to get the name he should attain.
It taught him how to swim and climb
high mountains and to reach the peak,
to be so bold, to be so strong,
and when in hunger what to seek.
The tiger got so bold and strong
and held the post through what it taught.
He started to despise his friends,
and his foes with great fear were fraught.
One day, he was with hunger struck.
He looked around for what to eat.
No food was found to calm him down.
The mouse could form his piece of meat.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
Published 10th Jun 2019
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10th Jun 2019 11:01pm
10th Jun 2019 11:49pm
Very dear Baldwin,
First, I am extremely indebted to you for your very constructive criticism. Now , when l write, l feel l must be very careful, thanks to you. I love those who criticise me.
Second, yes there is a point, which is a bit negative. This point is, "Beware of the people you help. Sometimes they turn against you. Please, Baldwin, keep in contact. JZ
First, I am extremely indebted to you for your very constructive criticism. Now , when l write, l feel l must be very careful, thanks to you. I love those who criticise me.
Second, yes there is a point, which is a bit negative. This point is, "Beware of the people you help. Sometimes they turn against you. Please, Baldwin, keep in contact. JZ
11th Jun 2019 1:06am
And sometimes they don't.
And as to being careful, I don't find you've done so here since you still are using awkward inversions to get rhymes, as if the most important thing for a would-be poet to do to write well is to rhyme at all costs.
And as to being careful, I don't find you've done so here since you still are using awkward inversions to get rhymes, as if the most important thing for a would-be poet to do to write well is to rhyme at all costs.
15th Jun 2019 7:54pm
I am very surprised at you. Those who read your comments think you are an expert at writing. Please send me the best of your writings just to form an idea who this writer is.
