nothing like razor blades & dettol

Perhaps I cannot give you enough
and maybe the lady in a trance
who ratted on my life
was wrong about my fate
and I am not really the type to
give you everything.

I believed I was really that
great and
able to give you my all
because I tried to be who you want me to be
until I realized
I was no longer myself.

Then I stopped and figured I was
about to fail.

I was not willing to give you
my handphone to keep for a week
because I didn't find it neccessary.

I was not willing to give up my passion
because some things are a part of who I am
and honestly, because the moshpit was
where I first met you.

I was not willing to give up affections for
close friends because they were once
my life
and everything to me
and things like that leave a scar on my heart
however much you were able to
heal it; some things
even a lover cannot erase.

Like if you leave;
except it will not be a mere scar but complete
dissection.

Perhaps I am not as wonderful of a person
I thought I was because I was not willing
to surrender my life to you
so instead
I tried to die
because you made me believe you no longer cared.

I am not that great of a person if
all I do is keep doing things you don't want me to do
and knowing that's about as much as I can do
for you,
I'm just so sorry it isn't everything.