Love lost but it was love

Another cold night alone in my bed...
With just these silent screams filling my head...  
Unable to realize if I’m alive or plain dead...  
Shaking from the cold and sweating from the heat...  
Not a cloth on my body, not even my feet...  
30hrs In to a cold turkey detox...  
Head now pounds like an 80s beatbox..  
Playing it cool, I say it’s the flu...  
I can’t admit using , last time she never knew...  
As i finally break and give in to my crave...  
I need to get right, I need to be saved...  
Once in my sight I feel myself calm...  
Without drugs inside me, not even in my palm...  
No more cold shakes, no more hot  napalm...  
9 years have passed with her by my side...  
With 7 of those in addiction, maybe she’s fried...  
How can she not notice dating a junkie... At times I’m so obvious, rambling like a monkey...  
Speaking in tongues as I sleep by her side...  
She just records me then shows all the guys...  
“Isn’t this strange that he does this while sleeping tight”  
Only reason it happens is cause I’m high every night...  
I love her to death but i hate myself more...  
I’d give her my love, from deep in my core...  
But I can’t be that man not now not before...  
She deserves the whole world and then so much more...  
But how can i deliver dopesick on the floor...