Rational Fear

This what good writing looks like...well done my friend, well done!!!

Thank you :]

Love how you have ended it.

Scathing. It spreads fast
like anthrax.

Potent.

Curtsy,

S

Thank you, Summit. Glad you liked it.

This is spectacular, I'm in love with all of your work. Keep writing!

Thank you, keep loving. <3

Hey Slag. Have to say I don't 'get' this. The first stanza has some very disturbing imagery (peeled eyelids, salty vermillion fluids) and I wonder what they have to do with the rest of the poem. I'm 'getting' something about you changing your appearance to hide from somebody you don't want to find you. But Who? What? Why? There are not even any clues. I'm left ... not getting it. Hope the feedback is useful somehow.  Red.

:C I hate having to give a step by step meaning of my poems, it means I've failed horribly. But! I will explain Sir. :)

Well, the first part is about constantly seeing murders, kidnapping and rape reports. The reality of it all is disturbing and that's why I made that the goriest part. It's frightening.

The second, is just being causious and evaluating every move or breath you make and cherishing it. Because really it can be taken away at any moment.

The third, about the hair is because in numerous interviews with rapists/murderers they admit they go after women with pony tales and longer hair.

When I name the various places, it's basically places they give me heaps of anxiety and could so easily be a crime scene.

The ending speaks for itself. The whole poem is actually very personal and exactly how I feel about the subject.
I shall work on my poems making sense in the future. :)

Hi Carla. Of course NOW it all makes sense. But I hope you understand I wasn't being difficult. As your reader, the poem is impenetrable without these notes and as such it can't work because it doesn't communicate. I'd love to see you do a re-write or even an edit with that in mind. Some suggestions? I think if you re-named it 'Crime Scene' o/s you could work in a little conceit about the crime of robbing you of your peace of mind. And 'yellow strings' is a meaningless image in this context. I presume you were talking about that yellow 'crime scene' tape the cops use. And where's that 'attitude' of yours? The 'Slag' I know would saying 'fuck you guys for doing this to me!' Just my two (well, twenty) cents. Nice doing poetry witcha.  R.

I don't think I'll be doing this one over, atleast any time soon. But thank you for your input. :]

Quitter! (-:

Slag, just coz you're talented doesn't mean they're all going to come out perfect straightaway. Okay, some will not be worth saving but learning to edit your own work is an essential part of the trade. Eventually you'll do it as you go along but everybody MUST edit. I made some minor adjustments and moved one of the more exciting stanzas to the front (always get straight into the action as soon as possible!) See what you think. Or not.  Best  R.

Rational Fear


You can get me anywhere.
vacant parking lots
neighborhood walks
crowded kiddy parks
midnight concert halls
aisle ten, seven, three
tied up with
yellow tape
'crime scene' written on it

all these crime reports
peel my eyelids away
rip down the veils of innocence
reveal all those salty vermilion fluids

so

every breath now tiptoes
creeping from the corners
of the mouth, through the nose
not wanting to be the one
'cut short'

I read that you like long hair
so I cut off my locks
1920s kind of look
stops right above my jaw
doesnt quite reach the nape of
my neck
so I look like
a nobody

nobody you'd want to find

please, please!
don't bother looking

Of course. I'll work on editing.
However this poem was meant to be vaque, I am very happy with the outcome and I couldn't imagine changing a thing.

Your advice isn't wasted though! I will edit other works in the future.

Good poem, Carla. There is atmosphere & a sense of mystery. Great title & imagery. An enjoyable read. I like it... a lot! :)

Thank you(: