flatliners

if i told you the vile mentality
i truely have inside my mind
those few would surely lock me away
theyd give me sixteen differant pills a
day
id be a fuckin wide eyed zombie
a brilliant mind seamingly laid waste to
i try to hold my forehead so my head doesnt fall in mash potatoes
you stifle a laugh and i hazily
nod my permission
im still remembering that day so long ago
when the will of my youth still had me convinced
that i woul assuredly triumph
im much older now and see dillusions for what they are
they are the driveling musings of a sycopath
if they let me in theresa good chance ill have the
thorazine shufflers hustling and bustling in a scuttrbug
they shuffling the whole time
ive not been entitled to my rightful place as the blizzard king
so thoughtless careless  to many pharmacueticals to feel anything
not insult nor praise ,no this suicidal tribute is not a phase
well doctor genius please feel driven to find my cure
how when you know not my ailment
human guinea pig thats what i became
so lured by promise of healing
that each new phase i found it appealing
and as i began my woe is me other seriously disallussioed
sociopathic little flatliners emotional voids
began to feel their tears streaming from glazed stares back from the abyss
so to them that felt for me to them that cried
i sat in awe
the other little flatining kind like myself
schitzoeffectives
they seem to be a ok in the outside worlds view
but effectively they are risperidoned thorazined clonidined
little sack of dumb dumbs
might as well have shoved sticks up our asses and called us lollipops
wed believe what is it that concievably voluntarilyturns us from life to shuffling deaths
there is that day though when theyy felt me and i felt me through their emotional response
im restless cant cry
dont even wanna try
you are too sick to go home this is my last chance schitzoid since childhood
seperated from other childrenbecause they were stupids epitome
id sit in tall grasses and try to mimic thier responses teach myself to be less than so maybe i couldve fit in
reegardless
it wasnt untill adult hood that voices that once hummed now chanted it wasnt enough to hypnotherapy me into a whole regretion
but i knew what doctors refused to say when like a brick building the put me right in their way
im eight years old no state to certify me
no conscious reason for the voices to increase in number and octave
i believed myself posessed
my religious upbringing gave way to this conclusion
i am likened to a n emotional flatline, unfortunately my heart still beats this is all of me i hope you that read it will know
just how far the desire to be cleansed and free again