I hope you don't understand

I hope no one reading this understands the pain I'm in because I would never want anyone to feel this pain and confusion

I've tried for two years to understand why you did it
But sadly I can't

It tore me up inside when it first happened
But now I have to live with it

I still stay up at night thinking of what could've went wrong
But it makes it worse

I know I can't do anything about it
But I wish I could

Just let the blade slide across your skin and leave it's marks on you
Marks that I could feel in my heart
Blood oozing from the cuts as you cry
You must've known that I noticed the marks on you leg
The dress barely covered them up
All the long sleeved shirts and hours alone trying to cover it up
I saw right through it

I want to text you
I want to ask
Do you still do it?
I hope the answer is no
But something tells me it's yes