Rant 01

Would an early beheading have been healthier?
It is useless to wonder now.  
Going around again, I catalog my experiences within human possibility  
which still contains the shattering of entire kingdoms  
and the reluctant acceptance of mild, apathetic bonds.  
Years can pass in this emptiness, which isn't,  
which goes by whatever name we give.  
There can be no emptiness even if  
all that remains is the witness to see.  
Free with beheading  
I grow another head,  
I think.  
So it seems.  
Will I fill it with fairytales?  
A time passes and no time passes.  
Time is condensed and stretched and twisted  
however we want it.  
All-powerful creator,  
I pray to you:  
I know myself  
and whatever I want I will find.  
You create it.  
You no longer can fool me  
with your offerings.  
Even if I still wanted,  
they wouldn't do it for me.  
I'll walk on the sidewalk  
in a straight line,  
remaining alert.  
My friend studies miracles:  
how they occur,  
what their alchemy needs.  
Sneering, I ask myself:  
why do you need it?  
But really, wish I believed  
in the brightness required  
to draw in the gods toward you  
to play with you, lift pretty girls to star-covered curtains  
hung on the ceiling,  
so they'll praise the view  
before being dipped low,  
gently let go  
for another handful of pretty girls,  
and go on, “experienced”.  
What's left of deities  
are figurines  
dotted 'round town,  
picturesque caricatures of who I knew as real people,  
who tossed me carelessly up and down
in the name of "learning and growing and making mistakes".  
And for some reason the townsfolk worship them!  
Probably because they never met them.  
I don't anymore.  
Call me a cynic; I've never been popular.  
I believe
they are only people.  
And I – ?  
Well that is the question, no?