deepundergroundpoetry.com
Vines
Like vines
wrapped around a tree
my arms find comfort around your body
my nose feels your pulse
as half my face hides in messy hair
im in roots
tangled beneath dirt
i feel the embrace of the warm sun
slithering up my spine
nearly snake like
my heavy heart feels eerie
i thought loving was everything
but so far
its only the touch of skin
By: Bethany
wrapped around a tree
my arms find comfort around your body
my nose feels your pulse
as half my face hides in messy hair
im in roots
tangled beneath dirt
i feel the embrace of the warm sun
slithering up my spine
nearly snake like
my heavy heart feels eerie
i thought loving was everything
but so far
its only the touch of skin
By: Bethany
Published 1st Dec 2011
| Edited 5th Apr 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 894
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Dec 2011 3:30pm
Humanity's connection to nature highlighted in so few words. Very nice read here!
2nd Dec 2011 3:32pm
2nd Dec 2011 11:17pm
Bethany,
Cons first:
1. in messy hair-in(whose)messy hair.
Addition of 'Yours' would be more appropriate.
2. im in roots-I am in roots
3. nearly snake like- snake-like
4. weerie-I feel this should be weary. another option is 'eerie' which does not fit the bill.
Pros-I loved the tone, the idea and the flow.
Besides these minor glitches, its quite an interesting write.
Some lovely expressions. Metaphors used aptly.
Thanks for the read.
Looking forward,
S'
p.s- In case I am wrong somehere, please
point out. :)
Cons first:
1. in messy hair-in(whose)messy hair.
Addition of 'Yours' would be more appropriate.
2. im in roots-I am in roots
3. nearly snake like- snake-like
4. weerie-I feel this should be weary. another option is 'eerie' which does not fit the bill.
Pros-I loved the tone, the idea and the flow.
Besides these minor glitches, its quite an interesting write.
Some lovely expressions. Metaphors used aptly.
Thanks for the read.
Looking forward,
S'
p.s- In case I am wrong somehere, please
point out. :)
3rd Dec 2011 8:50pm
Thankyou for your honest critizem, im not much of a good speller and good grammer ^.^ other then that, thankyou :)My poetry does use a lot of metaphors, for example
"im in roots
tangeled beneth dirt" means under bed sheets, tangeled in the one you love. A lot of my poetry is like that, so instead of saying that, i turn it into a metaphor
"im in roots
tangeled beneth dirt" means under bed sheets, tangeled in the one you love. A lot of my poetry is like that, so instead of saying that, i turn it into a metaphor
