deepundergroundpoetry.com
When I found you
We lost the sea
And the sky trembled
In loud tremors.
Then suddenly,
There's You.
Undeniably
You.
And the sky trembled
In loud tremors.
Then suddenly,
There's You.
Undeniably
You.
Published 18th Apr 2019
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The author encourages honest critique.
18th Apr 2019 6:29pm
Hello! Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem that you wrote. Short line poetry is one of the hardest for readers to comprehend. And unless you really connect with it, it will just sound choppy.
Although I love this poem and it gives me a feeling of 1000 words in just 17, there is just one suggestion I need to make. When you write these, you want words to flow together. The word "Undeniably" has little effect to your writing as a whole. It's a case of "to much description". Sometimes adding a descriptive word like that makes the whole thing weaker than if you would have just left it at "you".
I hope this helps, and i really really enjoyed this.
Although I love this poem and it gives me a feeling of 1000 words in just 17, there is just one suggestion I need to make. When you write these, you want words to flow together. The word "Undeniably" has little effect to your writing as a whole. It's a case of "to much description". Sometimes adding a descriptive word like that makes the whole thing weaker than if you would have just left it at "you".
I hope this helps, and i really really enjoyed this.
25th Apr 2019 5:51pm
23rd Apr 2019 4:58pm
I love that word; ‘undeniably’ and I feel that it’s perfectly placed in this written pierce as it serves as an affirmation to the gorgeous tenderness in which you’ve conveyed !
I interpret those words as though no matter if the world is crumbling, and the seas rise, there you are as an anchor; undeniably.
Good stuff... 😎🔥🌞🌹🤩🌻
I interpret those words as though no matter if the world is crumbling, and the seas rise, there you are as an anchor; undeniably.
Good stuff... 😎🔥🌞🌹🤩🌻
25th Apr 2019 5:56pm
Thank you! It is indeed meant to affirm that exact tenderness!
Love is definitely such a beautiful feeling. Enjoy!
Love is definitely such a beautiful feeling. Enjoy!
