Trebuchet

5/30

In order to soar on the wings of attack
a weighty counterbalance must be stayed

powerful pain to pull out the slack
as to allow your dreams to be arrayed

straining tension breaking your back
propelling life further a handful of days

crushing silence when your
questions are asked
your future before you unarranged

violent force unleashing the black
not sure, anything is worth this pain

And why, dear God, when any comfort I Iack
must you drown me in mud and more rain?!


We build up a lifetime of love with someone. Gradually, through time. But when they are snatched away, the trebuchet swings. And the the counterweight yanks violently at your guts. And the pain, ohhh the pain is sickening! There is that numb period where you think "Something must be wrong with me! Why aren't I more upset? Why can't I cry? Didn't I really love them as much as I should have? Or am I a fraud?" If you stuff that grief during that numb time, it is easier. At that moment. But I am living proof, you can't run from it forever. The grief will come in it's own time. Don't beat yourself up. It comes gradually, painful little tugs. But when you deny those tugs.... the trebuchet will snap. Ripping through the fabric of time, and the counter weight, when it is violently released, all at once well it is indescribable and incomprehensible! And, at times, it feels unsurvivable! Please learn from this heartsick and battered soul. Let yourself feel the tugs.