The Spirit of Ole Florida

Ha! Nice piece and relatable! As I'm in Florida right now.. I've never left here actually
Enjoyed this!

What part? :-)

Central fl area, Winter springs

This is great and definitely captures the spirit of Ole Florida.  There are things in certain parts that are removed form modernism, e.g. - the everglades, swamps, parts of the panhandle. It's the same essence of olden spirit that permeates many areas across the country.  I particularly loved the imagery this conjures.  Especially the Spanish Moss.  

I have a few suggestions I hope will strengthen the piece a bit:  

Golden sea oats    
waving ships home    
sand-pipers inspecting  (sandpipers is one word )  
broken seashell coast ( fantastic imagery )  

Clouds breaking like waves ( if you change like to as, you'll pick up some nice a assonance and s consonance )  
on the sea of a placid sky   ( I suggest removing the - then take that a and put it in its place )  
Spanish moss hanging    
as clothes when hung to dry  ( my favorite imagery part )  
  
Ants have built their pyramids  ( have seems out of place here - why not lose it and alter the context of built to build - because in essence, ants are constantly building )  
cottonmouth lurched his head    
deep marshes of ole Florida    
with a spirit never dead   ( very nice )
  
Strip clubs and strip malls   ( I would lose the second strip - unnecessary )  
hunting and guns    
tractors and horses  ( I actually like the repeating and in these two lines )  
tobacco chewing gum  ( very nice )  
  
Cowboys riding    
Florida cow ponies    
wives awaiting    
with welcoming pie  ( this entire stanza reads awkwardly to me against the smoothness of its predecessors )  
  
Children run free    
squirted with hose    
always some predator    
right beneath their nose  ( fantastic imagery )  
  
Racist talk pervades    
whether one admits it or no    
denying as turtles do  ( not sure you need do here - if you keep it, perhaps let it precede turtles? )  
when they don’t know where to go  ( fantastic concept )  
  
The ancient forlorn    
Everglades fades  ( fade - or, you could alter to Everglade fades )
by means of city boys    
with their gift of red tides ( not sure about this concept - confused me somewhat )    
  
Florida soul I see you    
in the girl at the Publix store    
with bronzed cheek    
and eyes that love no more   ( wow )  
  
I see you in the ole man    
writhing like the banyan tree    
If one would only sit awhile    
and learn from his tragedy  ( I would suggest removing from )  
  
I see Florida in the pelican    
that skimmed the surface fair  ( I would lose that and alter the tense to skimming )  
and in the stocky fisherman    
who doesn’t have a care   ( fantastic )  
  
I see you in the child    
who catches the lizard quick    
I see you in the demons    
and the poverty that makes one sick   ( wow )  
  
I see  my Grandma walking    
along her peaceful property    
six-generations in that land    
Florida Cracker would she be   ( the final line reads awkward - almost like it's forced rhyme )  
  
And most troubling    
as far as I can see    
I think I am visiting Florida —    
but it is Florida visiting me.

What a fabulous ending; however, is it really most troubling? Or somewhat?  

This is a fantastic observatory piece where the viewer connects completely with their surroundings to the point the reader, even if never having visited, can totally relate. I would even go as far as to say it would compel a traveler to investigate.

Perfect corrections all around.    
 
I am glad you asked about Red tide, because I don’t know how many people know about it. So red tide, although partially occurring in nature, is made worse by pollution- the kelp and algae gets red, and for humans if you swim in it, you can break out in a rash from the toxins and worse. over the last 30 years, red tide has become more and more prevalent due to infrastructure and runoff. The point being that when “city boys” come out wanting to make their money without reflecting on environmental impacts, the locals suffer immensely thus the “gift” of irony here.    
   
The Crux of the poem and my biggest struggle is including some things I don’t particularly like that are not beautiful (you go into some of these towns and it looks like it hasn’t been changed since 1970s, thus in disrepair, and then you have beautiful untouched nature). You have racism and statistically a lot of sex offenders compared to other states (I researched to confirm whether this was a stereotype or fact-based, it is). You have Southern hospitality and incredibly ignorance and also poverty, it’s a mixed bag.    
   
This one isn’t quite there— needs more fine-tuning.    
   
   
As to your final question is it really disturbing— I think it can be unnerving when suddenly you realize how much a place has hold of you when you return. It’s not like I go back to DC and “miss it” or even think about it too often, but returning is an experience of somewhat being blindsided.    
   
I started writing this when walking through some ant piles and suddenly I was thinking of my grandma’s house and the acres and acres of ant piles in summer and the loads of Spanish moss, and hanging clothes on the line— usually I intellectualize everything, but this was just this very primal memory (there’s no philosophy here). I wouldn’t call it nostalgia, but it’s this incredible familiarity that is as natural as breathing, you know the earth here. In city living which I critique here, but am currently living, engaging with nature is really more for “exercise” and regimental, not experimental. The slower pace is very nice sometimes, take a trip.  

If you like history, read about florida history. right now I’m in Pensacola, also known as the “City of Five Flags” because of how many countries had hold of it at some point. It is a melding por here, but my grandparents are from Southwest Florida. I remember going to Everglades with my Grandma to the reservations, she was Cherokee so different but she was very proud to show me these unique and dwindling cultures