deepundergroundpoetry.com
Do not pick the flower
Do not pick the flower,
let it fade and
when petals fall ,
fold in books,
soft tissues to capture
waning essence,
memories, past bliss
once to delight when youth.
Then safe in dark recess
let them sleep daylight hours
to wake with you through nights
once crowded with the flower.
Hold the pillow as once your love
perfume fading, surely as it will.
Published 12th Mar 2019
| Edited 14th Mar 2019
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likes 5
reading list entries 2
comments 5
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The author encourages honest critique.
This is such a beautiful poem, filled with both joy and sadness,
It brings to mind a recent piece I posted on 17 Feb, which I feel ties to this very well.
Since H/C is indicated, I did find what seems, to me, a slight miscue in the final two words used in the first stanza.
I am left wondering if 'when young' or 'in youth' would be a better fit, for it seems the thought is left unfinished.
I truly enjoyed this read, even though the thoughts I am left with are quite sad in some ways.
Thank you, Kexby
Teri
It brings to mind a recent piece I posted on 17 Feb, which I feel ties to this very well.
Since H/C is indicated, I did find what seems, to me, a slight miscue in the final two words used in the first stanza.
I am left wondering if 'when young' or 'in youth' would be a better fit, for it seems the thought is left unfinished.
I truly enjoyed this read, even though the thoughts I am left with are quite sad in some ways.
Thank you, Kexby
Teri
13th Mar 2019 11:30am
Thank you Amorous _tryst for your comments and thoughts . 'when youth' began as' when a youth'.As I avoid the indefinite article and definite article where ever possible' when youth' is the result; however I appreciate your interest. Kexby
13th Mar 2019 5:55pm
I now understand the reason you chose the wording used. Thank you for taking the time to explain.
13th Mar 2019 9:54pm
I have posted a poem which omits the indefinite and definite articles. For me it works. Kexby
12th May 2019 4:07pm
I love this piece dearly! It is old-fashioned and rich in sentiment without being cloying or cliche. I am right there, waiting for the right time to take the flower, to press it, to inhale the fading perfume. The wording (to my younger ears) is a bit off, but I understand that older writers use language as they were taught. Once I get past that, the beauty of the piece sings!
