When will it end? Do u want it too?

compromise and regret is what comes to mind when  thinking  of past times spent..
 For fear of my irrational thots take over the  physical body drowned  by another drink of the bottle  knowing i was almost never sober making bad choices.. judgment of the nights
There are no spaces forward only steps back to the moments of the purity that I now lack
If time flys by and never stands still am I really to blame for the reluctant emotions I feel?
I'm at a cross roads to decide if I should tell anther lie or  tell these secrets That i hide  ....
 will it end, will it all just go away, if I tell the truth will my love be a saved?     
Why do i do these things I do?  the damage is done now I'm indebted to who? 
What will happen? Who will know? Just How far I'm I'm willing to let it all go?