deepundergroundpoetry.com
forbidden
Growing up its what I learnt
Don’t touch the fire or get burnt,
But like a moth towards the light
I am drawn to what’s not right,
The forbidden has delight
Though you touch it with some fright,
unlike the apple from that eve
When they were still a bit naïve,
now I know that what is wrong
Has the most powerful song.
Don’t touch the fire or get burnt,
But like a moth towards the light
I am drawn to what’s not right,
The forbidden has delight
Though you touch it with some fright,
unlike the apple from that eve
When they were still a bit naïve,
now I know that what is wrong
Has the most powerful song.
Published 6th Mar 2019
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6th Mar 2019 9:50pm
Very good, and very true.
"Though you touch it with some fright"...I would rephrase "though I touch it with some fright", as the move from I to You seems a bit jolting ( at least to me).
Perhaps rephrase final line, just to give it stronger emphasis. I had to read it more than once.
"Though you touch it with some fright"...I would rephrase "though I touch it with some fright", as the move from I to You seems a bit jolting ( at least to me).
Perhaps rephrase final line, just to give it stronger emphasis. I had to read it more than once.
7th Mar 2019 11:17am
