Charity

I can't cook
I hate to clean
I have little to no hobbies
But I love to burn things
I set the kitchen on fire
Back in Colorado
Trying to erase her from my memory
I cut my hair
And burned it in the little glass ashtray
That was never in the same vicinity
I was so horrible to my older sister
I knew that she wasn't normal-
Wasn't up to speed
So I took advantage of her
I made her do things for me
I made her carry me around
I treated her like she was a slave
I never stopped
Because she didn't object
All she'd say was
"Yes ma'am, I'll behave"
I guess it didn't matter then
Because I was too young
To know what I was doing
But it's been tearing and ripping up my soul
Slowly, just cruising
I'd love to apologize to her
But I just don't have the heart
And even if I did
I wouldn't know where to start
I tell myself that she's forgotten
And maybe- just maybe-
She has forgiven
I'm scared to bring it up
Just for that fact
Maybe she's moved on
And I would hate
To bring the memory back
I'll eventually talk to her about it
So I may be at peace with myself
But for now
I'll let it eat away at me
And keep my pain away from everyone else