deepundergroundpoetry.com
Find Me A Woman
Find me a woman
that keeps her tongue sacred
shows her heart naked.
Touches herself with ambition
requires respect for admission.
Show me a woman
that hides a beautiful secret
for someone who'd keep it
for someone who’d keep her.
Find me a woman
unafraid to get deep
that will be a dream, awake and in sleep.
Show me a woman
that is faithful
who is grateful
that is graceful.
Show me a woman
that loves- herself.
IG: Nourish_Cruz
that keeps her tongue sacred
shows her heart naked.
Touches herself with ambition
requires respect for admission.
Show me a woman
that hides a beautiful secret
for someone who'd keep it
for someone who’d keep her.
Find me a woman
unafraid to get deep
that will be a dream, awake and in sleep.
Show me a woman
that is faithful
who is grateful
that is graceful.
Show me a woman
that loves- herself.
IG: Nourish_Cruz
Published 22nd Jan 2019
| Edited 23rd Jan 2019
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Jan 2019 1:31am
23rd Jan 2019 7:59pm
23rd Jan 2019 10:12pm
22nd Jan 2019 2:44am
Beautifully expressed, Nourish. I'm unsure whether you are seeking these qualities in another, or striving for those qualities in yourself, but good luck, either way! :)
23rd Jan 2019 8:00pm
22nd Jan 2019 3:41am
22nd Jan 2019 4:19pm
23rd Jan 2019 6:04pm
23rd Jan 2019 2:56pm
A lovely and gentle read. By way of honest critique, here are a couple of suggestions:
The starting lines seem to lack consistency with capitalised first letters. As there are no full stops, it it not clear whether or not the capital is a mistake, or an intentional start of a new sentence. Personally, I would make them all lower-case, apart from the first line of each stanza; this will look better.
In the line "that hides only a beautiful secret " the word "only" feels awkward to read, and adds little, so you might dispense with it (surely the woman holds MORE than only the beautiful secret?)
The line "that isn’t afraid to get deep " is a little wordy, and could be enhanced as "unafraid to get deep "
The line "that will be a dream awake and in sleep" might benefit from a comma or dash after "dream".
The closing line "that loves herself " reads with a subtle difference between "that loves herself" and "that loves - herself ". The slight pause between "loves" and "herself" just gives a subtle emphasis that you might prefer.
"that loves herself " (sounds egocentric)
"that loves - herself " (sounds better somehow.
As always these are minor suggestions, and don't really detract from what is a rather gentle and tender poem. I enjoyed reading it!
The starting lines seem to lack consistency with capitalised first letters. As there are no full stops, it it not clear whether or not the capital is a mistake, or an intentional start of a new sentence. Personally, I would make them all lower-case, apart from the first line of each stanza; this will look better.
In the line "that hides only a beautiful secret " the word "only" feels awkward to read, and adds little, so you might dispense with it (surely the woman holds MORE than only the beautiful secret?)
The line "that isn’t afraid to get deep " is a little wordy, and could be enhanced as "unafraid to get deep "
The line "that will be a dream awake and in sleep" might benefit from a comma or dash after "dream".
The closing line "that loves herself " reads with a subtle difference between "that loves herself" and "that loves - herself ". The slight pause between "loves" and "herself" just gives a subtle emphasis that you might prefer.
"that loves herself " (sounds egocentric)
"that loves - herself " (sounds better somehow.
As always these are minor suggestions, and don't really detract from what is a rather gentle and tender poem. I enjoyed reading it!
23rd Jan 2019 6:01pm
You are so good at this. I made some of those corrections. Thank you again! 🙏
