Curtains closed, Now's the time to love you

My mom said "why?, why run to what's not good for you."
I looked at her I told her..." I don't understand my decisions either...but somewhere deep I still seem to love him, I guess to me maybe because the mans conversation and advice is valuable...even if he only has fucking me on his mind."
She said "babygirl you are more than a mans worthless fuck, look at yourself because you are worth more than his pity bullshit and you know this."
She was right...funny... felt as if she saw right through the pretty painted picture I tried to form when really she was looking at the cracks coming right through a platonic relationship...
He used me for pleasure as I was falling for his words...his pleasurable cummings only lead to my silent cries of me knowing that he just using me...why do I hurt myself...why do I put up with him. This man has become an addiction, something too dangerous for me to want to quit...everytime I tell him it's over...week later he feeds me word of apology, second chance, have mercy on me. I know it's bullshit and I know he nothing but a snake with a fork tougue but this snake knows exactly where to piece the vemon of his desperation for wanting to feel body on body without and attachment of any emotional stability between him and another. I'm stupid for falling for the same shit...I'm tired, I just want something more...just give me something real to make me feel like I'm alive instead of a body for physical pleasure for another...with going by his word and giving in...but enough is enough...I'm finished.
Next night I hear a knock at the door...it's him, the charming, snake tougue himself...begging and pleading, same line same hook.
I look at him...lifeless, not falling for a single word...my heart is exhausted from the same scene, my mind it's not telling to think otherwise...all of me is done and now its time to close the curtain on this out dated show and finally show myself the love that I'm worth...the love that I been missing out on...leaning to finally love myself.