sometimes

‍Sometimes I feel like the world is my secret
my hands pressed to the shattering glass windows of reality
waiting for the images to flicker through my palms and up my veins
to that part of small section of my brain
that tells me I don't need blue smiles today
 
Sometimes I wish you could see what I see  
when you tell me the world is ugly and boring and holds no value
beyond the value of things
 
But sometimes I forget to find the beauty
in cells photosynthesising
and I watch my garden die in small degrees
because my heart has no water to give today
 
I dream of better worlds where you're not leaving
I dream of better worlds where I'm not ghosting myself in every mirror
like not seeing myself will make me exist less
 
Because I don't always want to exist here
with you
when the daylight burns
and the night sleeps everywhere
but in my head
 
Sometimes I don't want to exist at all
when the world I want is out of reach
and the walls close in around me
while no-one is watching
 
Sometimes I feel like...  
 
© Indie Adams 2019