Spoils

well,
reading this brings with it an unpleasant feeling.
so many images to take in, especially the first stanza.
kind of levels off then from "i'm late" and brings me to another emotion.
then BAM you hit me with the last three lines.

the title is very fitting, i wonder if there is another way of lining the words up in the first and second. maybe by adding a word here and removing a word there,entirely subjective you understand. :)

your little body  
brush stroke glazed
a deep scarlet and
sickly yellow-green
   in parts
seeping pregnant sores
still screaming the stories,
birthing the spawn
of each foreign origin

something like that, though just looking at it you would no doubt make a better effort than mine.

anyhoo riveting stuff.
  

aha, i see where you're going with that structure; more stripped to basics maybe... i've had a go-over with what i saw at the heart of your suggestions and perhaps have improved it... but this one, being short will probably be a tweaker all 'round. [:

thanks so much for the valuable feedback, my friend.

Epic in its cryptic style, you probably knew I'd love this and my dear I certainly do! Good stuff, J!

thank you - i hoped you would, love! [:

The image alone caused me to loss some tears...
The poem it's self can be seen from several perspectives
though the image seems to point me toward yours..
I can't describe.. I just feel defeat. Delivered delicately
enough to be bearable.

Another reason to adore your work

thank you so much, Vi; i'm glad it could reach you to the same extent the photo hit me, unpleasant as it is...
 
do you think it would be better if i removed the image to leave it more open? i don't want the power to ride on the photo, even though it is what inspired the write in the first place...

I think that the poems cryptic nature promotes deep thought. Without the image, one is free to have his/her own
interpretation..  
For those who like it spelled out, the image is a great accompaniment as it allows us to see it from your p.o.v..
Lets us know the reasoning behind these words and  
what provoked them.  Gives it the impact intended..
 
Either way (imo), just as effective.

A gloriously affecting poem which assaults the senses. I could see, hear, smell and touch the narrative as it writhed on the screen. Thanks for the read, Jesta.

well thank you, Jack. and I used Verdana just for you. [:

I have goose bumps.

appreciate your dropping in, and i'm touched that it could provoke a physical reaction. thank you, AliP. [:

J

:) No words.

One suggestion.

The image somehow is
redundant. The piece
itself is a fluid
seamless tapestry

of a thousand images

liquid and they howl

dark tears of silence

the kind that sticks

and never leaves.

write on, dear poet.

S'

duly noted, and since the image has been brought up more than once, i shall remove it. thank you for the feedback, S, always appreciated. [:

the imagery you created is staggeringly harrowing in its obscureness. ofcourse i like it! ;)

thanks much, madame. i am so pleased. [:

hm, interesting take. since this write is so subjective you're entirely left to your own devices to interpret it.

what i had in my head wasn't from a male point of view or about sex, but it's interesting to see the different views people can take on it. [:

I've read this several times and it seems to get better with each reading. I come out of this thinking your beauty is just an illusion for true poetic genius. Well done!

well, thank you much for the compliments, DBD, but i wouldn't go slinging that 'genius' word around the place just yet. [:

simply brilliant!

well, i am glad you liked it. thank you for reading, and for the feedback. [:

Wicked little pen you have, miss J.

This is quite an effective piece, and am happy to have read it without the picture.

So many portions of motherhood are tied to blood and violence, even the ones which are supposed to be glossy and sweet. You have peeled back the veneer of civility, though your word choices are quite genteel.

"don't drink the thoughts a mother thinks,  
bones, brains and bandages, cuts, guts and ambulances, Sunday best in burning boxes..." - HM

and it's true, we have to deal with the trauma of having let those things happen without us.  
 
thank you for the encouragement, madame. [:

This poem hit a very raw nerve with me. I can relate with how it made me feel. And there were tears. I couldn't help it.

Damn girl. In a good way.

that means a lot to me, thank you. the photo that inspired it made me cry for all it was, so i'm glad i could get that across.

No tears can be shed in a portrait of a Mona Lisa poem. Slimply to gaze and read 10 times and to get 10 different feelings. A plethora of orgasmic views. Kudos

hey, thank you for the generous comment, my friend. i'm pleased you found meaning here.  

Your writings ( not to swell your head lol) are very different. You can bring light to the darkest shadows and make them scared of its reflection. They are not something that you can say " yeah, ok I get your point ". The mind can only imagine as much space much as you allow it. You have captured the the event horizon. The opening of a black hole that is larger than we can see and  devours ones normal thought process.