Rain Dance, Memories and Wine

I guess you could say tonight was one of those nights...
Thinking positivity, smiles, laughter...everything that has ever made me happy...
Until I finally let it all slowly cave in...I let it all cave in soo deep that i think my own despair swallowed me...
Today I heard my favorite tune the rain dance...I sat in the middle of the room, layed looking at the ceiling while the rain took advantage of my feelings...
I laughed because I thought of the good times with friends and family being young , wild and free laughing about when we all become adults, life was going to be a breeze always stay in contact...always have each others backs...until this day, life has separated us into our own paths, little hey text but that it...it seems we all knew that change was going to come our way someday...then I cried...cried because I thought of the forbidden one who sent me into a heart wrenching relationship where I was too vunerable, set up for being brokenhearted...for months, after we had split...I had a hatred for you that turned into tears of hurt, regret, fear, anger on and on and on until finally I decided crying over something that I knew was too fragile and bound to break any second... what was the point. You lied to get what you desired...I put my heart into something that was full of nothing but deception, so I went through mood swings...mood swings I thought to be silly and foolish...but then again...I had a few glasses of what filled me with soo many memories and nightmares...I beat myself because going back to the bottle and hearing the beautiful rain dance on my rooftop can sometimes become nostlogia or it can be a sweet fantasy transformed into tears which bring me to the nightmares that haunt me until I come down from that emotional blood rush of wine back down to silence of hearing the rain finally ending with their beautiful dance of mixed up emotions...I seem to dread, crave and fear...