Anxiety

I just want to let it out
itching words
from the bottom of my throat
scream it out
leave it out
playing labyrinth
searching
giving up
losing it
my voice
sound of my soul
vision of us together
it's been years since I've seen you
since I believed in you
since I believed in us
the belief is hidden
underneath my king size bed
juggling words
struggling sounds
and all that hasn't happened yet
fell into rabbit hole
risen above all the
living issues
non-lasting friendnships
broken relationships
I have a belief
that's fading away
how can I accept someone
into my arms
when I run away from
theirs?
Inevitably
I became good at running away
any excuse is acceptable
to turn my back
give up and
run
love wound is forever
hurting
and
forever bleeding
And I know, all have been
thought
and
said before
I filter it out
make a fresh smelling coffee
to drown it all
among new days
and imagined past
I don't want anyone
next to me
I found my voice at last
It loves and cherishes me
stream of unconditional love
I catch it
or
it catches me
It's always caught
within
the boundaries
of my limitless imagination
I stopped hearing what THEY say
what THEY want me to do
THEY died many years ago
don't exist in this reality
it's only me
stuck up in my own ways
and still beautiful
lurking you in
and then
you know
I close the doors behind me