all i am

 All I am
Is a someone who is angry at the world.
Someone who feels owed by the world.
All the things that were taken from me.
All the people that were taken from me.
The things that I didn't have,
All the things I wish I had.
So I sit and wonder.
If one day I had all the riches of the world,
Would they be enough?
If one day I had a pretty wife and a fast car,
Will my thirst be quenched?
Maybe I don't know what is happiness.
Maybe I'm just too good at being sad.
Who can tell if I've always had something good going,
Yet only in my misery I've dwelled?
Do I even know what I want?
I doubt if you ask me that question I'll have an answer to it.
All I know is I have this void I need to fill.
Money doesn't fill it.
Happiness doesn't fill it.
Sex, drums, guitars and rock and roll doesn't fill it.
Everything in this world doesn't seem to fill this whole in my heart.
It's just dark and deep.
I did all that I could hoping it would be filled.
I've taken all I could,
I've given all that I can.
I still feel no different regardless.
Am I that hopeless?
Or just emotionally retarded?
A child who his father passed away at 3 months,
And his family abounded.
A teen who was an outcast and teenage years broken.
Broken by suicide of his girlfriend.
A fucked up life that this poem can't tell.
Or an adult who spends his life in depression.
Is this all I am?