If Only

A single “if only”
is a strong hindrance between
a dreamer and the dream
a thick dark cloak-like sky
of the gloomy realm
of anguish, suspicion and despair;
covering an endless desolated sea of
unyielding uncertainty…

if only…
only if…

Alas! And it’s never a single “if only”
But a swarm of relentless, recurring,
persistent “if only”s…

if only…
I can bring back the soft-sounding footsteps
Now merely recurring in memory
And cease all the weepings
Between heaven and earth.

Only if…
But all have gone…

Roads I feared to take,
Doors I didn’t knock,
Thoughts I kept secret,
Affairs I dreaded to seize,
Stairs I didn’t climb,
Anxiety that I fed,
Reluctance I rolled,
Bridges I burned,
Plans I made,
Laughter and tears I took alone,
Sweet words hid in my silence,
Emotions concealed,
Chances, oh! Chances…
All gone!

Now, no one will ever know
What might have been or what will be
For all them are behind that thick,
unbreakable “if only”!