The distance that caused mental collapse

best friends for over half my life.  
taken bullets from guns and dulling the knife.  
a connection of care and true love  
showing the good and who I really was.  
your smile and compassionate hugs
better choices suggested than these damn drugs.  
every night dreaming and screaming for the end  
saved once again by my true best friend  
many years pass so many trials of self hate  
your beautiful eyes show me there's an escape.  
when I'm in doubt I know I can rely on you  
if you were gone forever what would I do  
can't help but fall in love and deep into you  
the savior you've become is real and something true  
 
than came that time i feel darker and less of a man  
you seem confused and less willing to understand  
my rock, my pillow, the one that kept me alive  
alone now dying, crying, wondering how to survive.  
its work, the relationship and a new house  
fading from your eyes and mind wondering how  
I know now I'm a grown ass man  
without you I feel like I can't even stand.  
the texts and the calls become lesser by the day  
but that depression has its ways.  
calling out for help but you can't be reached  
Sad on the outside deeper within suicide creeps  
waking another day am I alive wondering in panic  
living day to day I can't fucking handle it  
you say you love me and really do care  
but in the darkest times your no longer ever aware  
 
A phone call placed to you not by me but the police  
locked up in a mental ward with more drugs no release.  
we talk every night and you choose to call me  
the connection we had mends and feels healthy  
My confidence grows and I feel like a man  
Giving me support and love whenever you can.  
the doubts, anger, worries all subside  
but deep beneath this smile I think of suicide  
 
again more time passes and you become to busy  
Always missing you, wishing you missed me  
dark feelings engulf and slowly take over  
Suicide sounds fine thinking of that closure.  
one last call, voicemail again my final feelings heard  
your my best friend I'm sorry this may seem absurd  
When that breaking point hits like a ton of bricks  
Left alone to worry about me being mentally sick  
I wish you were there at least this fucking time  
because this is farewell my final goodbye