deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Mind Off-Grid, Nr.10 - Not All ... Are ...
Not all trolls are smelly
Not all newts are pissed
Not all soaps wash whiter
Not all frogs are kissed
Not all boats are worthy
Not all cars are fast
Not all moons rise shining
Not all worlds do last
Not all babes are screaming
Not all kids are saints
Not all men are bastards
Not all women faint
Not all eyes are seeing
Not all live in fear
Not all minds are open
Not all ears do hear
Not all gods are equal
Not all lives are lost
Love is love’s own sequel
Life is love embossed.
Published 28th Sep 2018
| Edited 8th Mar 2024
Author's Note
A Mind Off-Grid, Nr.09 can be found here:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/321247-turf-a-paradelle/
A Mind Off-Grid, Nr.11 can be found here:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/324586-miss-conception/
(photo credit: daniel-tuttle-khT06zlmVbA-unsplash)
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/321247-turf-a-paradelle/
A Mind Off-Grid, Nr.11 can be found here:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/324586-miss-conception/
(photo credit: daniel-tuttle-khT06zlmVbA-unsplash)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 2
comments 11
reads 752
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Sep 2018 12:54pm
28th Sep 2018 1:21pm
Thank you for the RL, Ahavati.
"Poetry is a mirror which makes beautiful that which is distorted"
(Percy Bysshe Shelley, "A Defence of Poetry", 1821)
"Poetry is a mirror which makes beautiful that which is distorted"
(Percy Bysshe Shelley, "A Defence of Poetry", 1821)
28th Sep 2018 1:41pm
Beautiful message!
I particular liked the build-up... taking it a bit further, going a bit deeper with each stanza...
I particular liked the build-up... taking it a bit further, going a bit deeper with each stanza...
28th Sep 2018 4:38pm
Thank you, Duende. I'm still wondering if stanzas 3 & 4 should be swopped in reference to the build-up as the poem progresses. Any thoughts always welcome. :))
28th Sep 2018 5:03pm
Hey Josh, I had another look... unfortunately you can't weigh depth, but I think the third would make a great fourth... mainly because of the "Not all minds are open"
Another options is to swop lines in the fourth stanza, like this:
Not all babes are screaming
Not all kids are saints
Not all men are bastards
Not all women faint
Your last stanza being about love...
These are just some thoughts, in my poetry lines get swopped back and forth all the time :-)
Another options is to swop lines in the fourth stanza, like this:
Not all babes are screaming
Not all kids are saints
Not all men are bastards
Not all women faint
Your last stanza being about love...
These are just some thoughts, in my poetry lines get swopped back and forth all the time :-)
28th Sep 2018 6:08pm
Thank you Duende, that's really helpful.
I like the order of babes->kids->men->women you suggested but then also swopped the verses around as well because it moves to the more abstract, changing also the order of that stanza as well, to eyes->ears->minds->live again moving towards the abstract.
I'll sit with it for bit and see how it grows on me. Thank you :))
I like the order of babes->kids->men->women you suggested but then also swopped the verses around as well because it moves to the more abstract, changing also the order of that stanza as well, to eyes->ears->minds->live again moving towards the abstract.
I'll sit with it for bit and see how it grows on me. Thank you :))
29th Sep 2018 9:18am
Hey Josh, I'm glad you found my suggestions helpful.
I understand the part about seeing how it grows on you... I have that too with poetry.
I understand the part about seeing how it grows on you... I have that too with poetry.
28th Sep 2018 8:41pm
How quick we are to judge .. makes me sad, really .. I enjoyed the flow and build up ... excellent as always ...
28th Sep 2018 8:48pm
Thank you Jemac. I was after a bit of lightness after writing those four Letters To A Young Poet - and then from people's comments I see there was more in this poem than I thought at first. That's what I love about DUP - your attention is drawn to new ways of thinking. Glad you liked it. :)
16th Nov 2018 5:51pm
so true, so true .. i especiallly love the last two lines, a nice finish to a truth filled poem
16th Nov 2018 5:55pm
Thank you Daffodil for your enthusiastic response - and for reaching back into my archive too :))
