Rocked

Wow Lil mama

I Applaud you on this fine piece of artistry.
The structure is simply wonderful

Refreshing indeed.

hah, thank you. it's a veeery odd step sideways for me, but i was trying to do that stripping it all down thing...i hope it came across the right way. so pleased you approve, M'lady. [:

The way you play with structure is marvellous. Reading this aloud one is given the sense of something happening to them, so physical is the effect it has on the reader. The train analogy was brilliant. It could have been melodramatic and cliche but the terse, elegant pitter patter of your rhythm saves it from such traps.
Thanks for the read, Jesta. I think this would be a great edition to the erotic quarter. Some subtlety wouldn't go amiss there haha.

i was sure it was more of an erotic sort, but with the lovelies that have been floating around there lately, i wasn't sure mine would fit in without having my tits attached to it...

thank you so much, Jack, for your always insightful reviews. [:

hot and too the point

well, thanks. [:

a seamless yet grasping ride

muchas gracias, DY. [:

with all of the above great in every way!

well, thank you, meme. lovely to have you 'round. [:

A monolith
A monument
An installation
A can of worms
A ticking bomb
A fluid portal
An ocean
An avlanche
A seamless tapestry
A suspended fetus
Of magnetic gamma burst
And yet so silent..

well, the man certainly knows his metaphors and how to flatter a wanna-be scribbler. [:

thank you, and welcome to DU.

You are most welcome 'powerhouse'.

'Wanna be' is a over-used and grossly misquoted term. That's what I feel. You know your contours and craft well enough to scribble.

And modesty is ancient in an era where 'they' feed on the number of 'hits' and 'likes' elsewhere.:)

I learnt something from you today. This was my first read. And a memorable one.

Thank you for welcoming me. It feels cosy alright.

Will wait to see more.

Power!

That is the embodiment of sexy, little lady.

This is evocative of a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis.  (That is in no way a metaphor for the budding of your skill as I would say you've arrived long before now.) But it moves slowly, and intentionally down the page and through one's inner voice when reading. Amazing control!  You should enter this in the White Erotica competition going on now.  Excellently done, my fair lady.

oh, PTM... you've got me blushing, my dear friend. thank you for that recognition of control, and i think i might enter it in the competition. i hadn't even thought of that!

I felt every fall, every wreaking speed, and all of the twisted ends. It is a romance in the works. I have felt love like that.

i don't know why i am so surprised at your catching the peripheral image of a romance that was in my mind... thank you, thank you.

thank you. [:

No surprise when we know how twisted and damaged love can be. We take the sweet with the sour. The blade with the wrist. It might be physical or emotional but hurt is hurt. You can't blame gravity for falling in love, it's when you stop falling that's what hurts like a bitch

for the first few reads the format kind of put me off.
but in fairness now i cant see how you could have pulled it off without it.

the whole poem reeks of class,restraint and thought.

truly fitting for your 50th submission.
may you post another 50 of similar caliber.

great stuff,Jess

ah, so kind of you to comment, my friend! as you know, i had doubts about the 50th, especially since i post so rarely compared to a good chunk of the active DU population. haha, thank you for your honesty and i'm glad the structure grew on you a little bit. [:

This is what good poetry looks like. Thanks for this (green gal)

thank you! and congratulations on the little one.. (don't tell Jamie T...) [:

um. yes. that's all I can say, is yes.

ah! success then! [:

oooohmm, how did you know it was a quickie? you have more than the usual insight in the catching of tricks, Mr. Mo. [:

haha, ok, fair enough. credit for the structure. [:

Keep it up!

thank you; i plan to. [:

wow you write like a pro.

when i was reading this i was like OMFG! this girl writes like a pro.




 


anyway great poem!

cultivate channeling yr stuff thru spontaneous mind... limited or no rewrite/editing...ye may have consciousness-shifting gift to open more non-preconceived perspectives

peacelove,dear......dkzk

interesting idea... think i might at least give it a try. thank you, dkzk. [:

FANTASTIC EROTIC ART

thank you [:

This is so creative. It makes me... feel it. I am in love with your presentation I am enjoying reading your work. :)

wow, thank you! i'm still learning... looking forward to seeing more from you as well. [:

....and trains colliding are worth all of it.
Very nice indeed.

ah, thank you... they certainly are. [:

This poem has a lot of style but not so sexy,nice read

thank you [:

it was a quick slide-by during a dry spell, but i'm glad you enjoyed it anyway. [:

b
e
 a
  u
  t
 i
f
u
l

I love the illusion, Jesta :)

so kind of you to say, thank you, Sublime. [:

This poem is outstanding!!!

well, thank you! [:

Emotionally visual braille....calligraphic....

ah, such pretty words...you could feel that? [:
thank you muchly.

Much more impact from reading aloud. Very nice read.

love that you took that approach to it. mine are nearly always meant to be read aloud, so i'm happy it worked for you. thanks for stopping in [:

          Damn it, girl!!!!
                   I was
                     still


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                 your comments
                    magnificent
                          write..
                             xo
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