dead end beginnings

 
dead end roads I've taken my share
lonely, desolate places
where I set up camp in the dark
because I just didn't have it in me
to circle back

sometimes I would spend years
in these dank places
sleazy motel rooms
nodding out on cum stained mattresses
doing dope round the clock
so I could forget I was going nowhere

each time I found my way out
I don't know how I did it
but I know I had to revisit old lessons
many times over
coming across the same markers

so here I am again
at a dead end
and I know it it's a road to know where
yet I keep going forward
because I'm afraid of the unknown
maybe even frightened of success

I'm a creature of habit
going nowhere fast
spinning my wheels
hoping to make things work my way
on my terms

fuck the universe and its wisdom
too hard headed to learn
it's a painful place to be
knowing better and choosing the worst

looking into my families hurt eyes
as they watch me destroy myself
helpless they can't walk my way out for me
just like they can't piss for me
I have to do it myself

lessons it's up to each to learn on this journey
this is a dead end poem
it's finished