I was just a child

 
The physical pain wouldn’t amount anywhere near the hatred I had now thrusted on myself
Sexual abuse at five years old
So vivid so dark
Waking up at what I imagine is 2 in the morning
With someone else’s fingers in your panties
The shirt I wore all day thrown on the floor
But not by me
Why did I let this happen to me?
Who do I tell?
“What do you mean she’s touching you?
She’s only a few years older she’s just playing around”
I don’t feel like I’m playing when there’s a hand over my mouth
Looking over, I’m tied to the bedpost
The same one I jumped on just hours before
Avoiding the lava monster who was the floor
But now I’m not playing
I’m dead still
Who do I tell?
No one believed me before.. “A girl can’t abuse another girl”
But i can feel my lack of consent
Things squirt things move i don’t like this feeling
I give a big kick
Then the nails dig hard into my privates parts
Their not so private with someone else arm is in them
Tears run down my face
Then i hold my breath  
until all i see is black