deepundergroundpoetry.com
Jester in penumnbra
You think me a coward,
a jester- a man- profoundly wayward
in the dark arts lacking paths
unnumbered by you and all the elders
like the nomads guarding caves
and the sinners taunting saints
hidden from the unseeing eye
Sta in umbra I
One day soon we will correct you;
carpe noctem and come for you
a jester- a man- profoundly wayward
in the dark arts lacking paths
unnumbered by you and all the elders
like the nomads guarding caves
and the sinners taunting saints
hidden from the unseeing eye
Sta in umbra I
One day soon we will correct you;
carpe noctem and come for you
Published 5th Jul 2018
| Edited 6th Jul 2018
Author's Note
A referral. A threat. Or an attempt at mystery.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 480
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
5th Jul 2018 7:30pm
You're really getting profound, friend. I enjoyed this one immensely. It's a very chilling and ominous prediction! I particularly like the Latin reference.
Just a few suggests:
You think me a coward,
[a] Jester- a man- profoundly wayward
in the dark arts lacking paths
unnumbered by you and all the elders[:] ( precedes list )
[As] nomads guarding caves,
[and] sinners taunting saints,
[hiding] from the unseeing eye,
Sta in umbra I
[O]ne day soon we will correct you[;]
Carpe noctem, and come for you
Commas at the end of lines - I don't think they're personally needed; however, it's also artistic preference.
Caps - I capped only the beginning of sentences to make the read flow easier
Ampersand - Just no in a poem such as this - it lessons the impact of the message
Repetition - Obliterated it
Simile - avoid 'like' as much as possible
This is a top notch one, Wanderer.
Just a few suggests:
You think me a coward,
[a] Jester- a man- profoundly wayward
in the dark arts lacking paths
unnumbered by you and all the elders[:] ( precedes list )
[As] nomads guarding caves,
[and] sinners taunting saints,
[hiding] from the unseeing eye,
Sta in umbra I
[O]ne day soon we will correct you[;]
Carpe noctem, and come for you
Commas at the end of lines - I don't think they're personally needed; however, it's also artistic preference.
Caps - I capped only the beginning of sentences to make the read flow easier
Ampersand - Just no in a poem such as this - it lessons the impact of the message
Repetition - Obliterated it
Simile - avoid 'like' as much as possible
This is a top notch one, Wanderer.
6th Jul 2018 2:27am
Noted.
How you manage to improve my inking without the bitter after-taste that is the mark of critiques beats me really.
You are wonderful.
And once again I must thank you from the depths of my bottomless heart ahavati, my friend.
I look forward to your insightful comment when I submit a draft.
*Takes off hat🎩
*gracefully bows
Your acknowledgement is much appreciated.
How you manage to improve my inking without the bitter after-taste that is the mark of critiques beats me really.
You are wonderful.
And once again I must thank you from the depths of my bottomless heart ahavati, my friend.
I look forward to your insightful comment when I submit a draft.
*Takes off hat🎩
*gracefully bows
Your acknowledgement is much appreciated.
