deepundergroundpoetry.com
Fixity
Like a caught breath
that never again lets out,
I will love you
through the hurt.
I hope this smile I practice
will hide my pain
as ocean waters mask
tears of the dolphins
that never again lets out,
I will love you
through the hurt.
I hope this smile I practice
will hide my pain
as ocean waters mask
tears of the dolphins
Published 30th Jun 2018
| Edited 10th Feb 2019
Author's Note
Credit: Abcrombie
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 7
reads 516
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
30th Jun 2018 3:53pm
Oh ugh. Anyone who has heard that tune in their lives will recognize the melody immediately.
Because you have requested honest critique, I would suggest the following cuts of extraneous wordage:
Fixity
Like a caught breath
that never lets out,
I will love you
through the hurt.
I hope this smile I practice
will hide my pain
as ocean waters mask
tears of the dolphin
End of story
I haven't suggested any replacements; only removed extraneous. Your rhyme scheme is unusually excellent.
Because you have requested honest critique, I would suggest the following cuts of extraneous wordage:
Fixity
Like a caught breath
that never lets out,
I will love you
through the hurt.
I hope this smile I practice
will hide my pain
as ocean waters mask
tears of the dolphin
End of story
I haven't suggested any replacements; only removed extraneous. Your rhyme scheme is unusually excellent.
30th Jun 2018 4:47pm
30th Jun 2018 6:43pm
4th Jul 2018 4:37am
Hey Wanderer.......what a touching ink you created here.......few words yet so powerful to make emotions run thru my soul.......luv it......purple luv & hugs xo :)
5th Jul 2018 3:07pm
You are ever the warm hearted inspiration to writers here. Stay blessed purple!
10th Feb 2019 00:35am
