the color of dreams

 
kaleidoscope dreams lie  
they color my dreams hopeful  
in patterns and shapes that delight  
they soothe me in my twilight hours  
then I awaken to gray  
 
gone are the azure blues of the oceans I love
that I will probably never live near
and the greens of the forests that feed my soul
that I've not visited or seen in fifteen years
 
the colorless flavor of my world is depressing  
I live in the country it's beautiful and quiet  
it can also be lonely  
 
my passions are red hot while sleeping  
then I wake to a bed that's cold from familiarity  
I touch myself to remember  
what it's like to be a real woman  
this adds to the gray feeling  
 
some would feel empowered at not needing another  
I feel like a woman who's lost her allure  
I'm a woman who needs a man  
some would say that makes me weak  
we were made with a cavern between our legs  
it was meant to be filled  
 
a bare-breasted feminist, I am not  
I'm a hippy without a cause  
I can't even get high on pot  
at this age it causes anxiety  
 
it's hard getting older  
I was once a beauty  
who men would chase  
I expect the world to treat me the same  
then wonder why they don't  
 
until I look in the mirror  
 
kaleidoscope visions in gray  
I'm the same lady on the inside do you see me?