deepundergroundpoetry.com
Circles in my Brain
Circles in my brain
Never ending
This is my pain
Cyclic static
In a state of manic
Dark hues, black
It’s true colors they lack
They’re etching deep
As my worries start to heap
Never ending circles in brain;
This is my pain
Never ending
This is my pain
Cyclic static
In a state of manic
Dark hues, black
It’s true colors they lack
They’re etching deep
As my worries start to heap
Never ending circles in brain;
This is my pain
Published 2nd Jun 2018
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 9
reads 533
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Jun 2018 8:49pm
Very good , again , Haunted Soul...;)
Now , as you have requested feedback ;
Try this , and see how it rolls off your tongue
after the possible change :
Dark hues, black
True colors they lack
Etching deep
As worries start to heap
Never ending circles in my brain ;
This is my pain
Read the whole poem out loud to yourself afterwards...
And remember...this is only opinion...not critique...;)
And I do love your poetry !
Now , as you have requested feedback ;
Try this , and see how it rolls off your tongue
after the possible change :
Dark hues, black
True colors they lack
Etching deep
As worries start to heap
Never ending circles in my brain ;
This is my pain
Read the whole poem out loud to yourself afterwards...
And remember...this is only opinion...not critique...;)
And I do love your poetry !
2nd Jun 2018 9:09pm
Thank you blackwolf this feedback exactly what I need. I struggles in regards to punctuation. Can you suggest any books that would be good for me to read as inexperienced writer?
2nd Jun 2018 9:40pm
I shall think on that , Haunted Soul ;
That was literally drilled into me , along
with spelling , by my mother at an early
age , thus it is not something I "studied"
via the medium of books ;
Hmmm...
Well , I just checked , and this came up online :
https://fivebooks.com/best-books/best-books-grammar-and-punctuation-mark-nichol/
That was literally drilled into me , along
with spelling , by my mother at an early
age , thus it is not something I "studied"
via the medium of books ;
Hmmm...
Well , I just checked , and this came up online :
https://fivebooks.com/best-books/best-books-grammar-and-punctuation-mark-nichol/
2nd Jun 2018 9:48pm
2nd Jun 2018 9:55pm
Actually , overall , you do quite well...:)
Everything has a learning curve ,
Yet from the arc , comes the spark ,
If one applies the nerve , to keep going ,
And with their pen , ink keeps flowing !
Just keep at it !
Everything has a learning curve ,
Yet from the arc , comes the spark ,
If one applies the nerve , to keep going ,
And with their pen , ink keeps flowing !
Just keep at it !
3rd Jun 2018 00:53am
3rd Jun 2018 00:54am
2nd Jun 2018 9:58pm
3rd Jun 2018 00:55am
Bcpoet It really does. Definitely a good outlet. Such a pleasant place to share.
