inner monologue

I was always wondering what I'm going to say to you the next time you call, the next time you want to see my face, the next time you decide that it's time for you to come over and spend the night.
i can't even call you when I fucking need you. you're selfish and i'm the second option
I understand we said no strings attached no feelings no games no falling in love and i didn't break any of those rules. i'm just ashamed of myself for fucking a nigga Who can't even call me to see if I'm straight if I'm good can't even call me for a casual conversation like normal human beings and when we see each other in public you act like you can't come up to me to see if I'm straight if I'm good or for casual conversation like normal human beings. when did having sex with someone become so dehumanizing to the point where it's either I get your love on the late night or we're just friends but never both because we're just fucking so no need to cater to my thoughts and feelings
no need to see if i'm straight if i'm good
no need to hear my cries for help when i'm one more breakdown away from killing myself
because i'm fucking lost.
but you burden me with your self issues and stories of the multiple Women Who are in love with you which I always found funny because I'm so glad I'm not that stupid. you burden me with your pride and your dismissive ways
but I'm no better than you because I still let you sleep in my bed even when you don't call me to see if I'm straight
if I'm good.
for casual conversations like normal human beings.

(i’m in love with you anyway)