Just a rant

Do you ever feel the need to just talk
and scream
and have someone listen
or even just being the same room
but you want to be alone at the same exact time
that's how I feel right now.

as I look at my sisters
one older one younger
But both so skinny and beautiful
both so perfect
and I'm over here
just a bundle of mistakes
seizures
medical disorders
and in the wrong body
with the wrong brains
but they're perfect
they get along and their loved
and are respected
and treated wonderfully
and I wish I was them
because I would not take a moment of it for granted
but they do
every single moment of it
and it makes me want to cry
all the wonderful things they have and the things they are
are just going to waste
because they don't need to worry or care they don't need to make sure that they're accepted or loved
they don't need to make sure that they upset others for who they are
because they're the girls who are skinny and look cute in crop tops and skinny jeans
and when they dress like a boy
they aren't called out for it
because they're just dressing cute like a tomboy today

but when I do it I'm trying to be something I'm not
but I'm not trying to be something I'm not
I'm trying to be something I am
and I don't know what to do about anything anymore
But I guess the best way to stop feeling so bad is to stop feeling at all

...issue solved