The Train Ride

I lay here and see the tracks layed out before me.
The train fabeled to take me to my future only takes me back.
The memories, the bad mistakes.
Each hitting with increasing velocity.
The impact of the road now taken sharpens like knives in my heart.
Strangled by my own mental state.
Wind knocked clear away.
These are the moments when the tears start to fall.
As if they'd create a river to flood.
To take me away from the nightmare that is myself.
Desperation hits when i move farther back yet.
Vivid splashes of color of moments i choose to keep buried.
More tears fall.
One last trick to stop the pain from reeling.
One little razorblade.
One little cut.
Then two, then more.
Blood mixes with water.
I am released for the moment.
Tears cease, the river has dried.
Finally the platform appears in the distance.
I leave the tracks with the hope that this will be the last time.
Yet deep down the understanding that i will take this journey again becomes the headache that forever reminds me of my trip of memories.