deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Problem With America
is all these fascist redneck
rethuglican nutjobs
who spend all their time hating
all these commie elitist libtard hacks
who think that all
these flag waving gun nut racists
with all their regressive zealotry
and
hypermasculine prejudice
are the real reason why all
these unpatriotic hippie snowflakes
have all their freedom-hating protests
and
faggot loving convictions
and neither one
seems to truly know
what the cause of all this
unreasonable violence
among our children
could possibly ...
rethuglican nutjobs
who spend all their time hating
all these commie elitist libtard hacks
who think that all
these flag waving gun nut racists
with all their regressive zealotry
and
hypermasculine prejudice
are the real reason why all
these unpatriotic hippie snowflakes
have all their freedom-hating protests
and
faggot loving convictions
and neither one
seems to truly know
what the cause of all this
unreasonable violence
among our children
could possibly ...
Published 19th Apr 2018
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st Apr 2018 5:55pm
This is so full of the problems plaguing humankind, and you have captured them in a unique why.
My H/C would be a couple of things off the top of my head.
1....The word neither implies two, where none applies to any number of, so, I would suggest changing that.
2....The message is well worth delivering and you have worded it nicely. However, I feel the presentation could use some dressing up, to be more eye catching.
All in all, I feel you have done a good job in getting your point across to the reader.
I enjoyed your piece.
AT
My H/C would be a couple of things off the top of my head.
1....The word neither implies two, where none applies to any number of, so, I would suggest changing that.
2....The message is well worth delivering and you have worded it nicely. However, I feel the presentation could use some dressing up, to be more eye catching.
All in all, I feel you have done a good job in getting your point across to the reader.
I enjoyed your piece.
AT
