life makes no sense at all

is there a logic in pain, a meaning in suffering

a purpose in hurting is there

it's ok to hurt a little in life, I guess we all do

but hurting so much of the time

how is there fairness in a crying heart

a heart which always wishes for more from life

how is there fairness in half a life ruined

meaning in suffering

purpose in hurting

we talk of good memories , good times

but what if the so called '' good times''

the nice days , being around nice people

eating nice food, being out in a park in the sun

what if they were '' bad memories ''

feeling empty , disconnected, sad and alone

crying inside when everybody else was smiling

real smiles , and i was wanting to be alone

we talk of good memories, good times

but what if the '' supposed to be '' good times

were ruined by the way you felt in your mind and soul ?

sad in itself , to think that a concert should have been fun

but it was nothing , just another empty and lonely experience

one with tears inside of your mind , one behind a window , again

no enjoyment felt , just an empty nagging pain

a birthday , birthdays ruined , feeling unhappy on your day

because all you feel inside of yourself is a sad and empty cry

for more , to feel more , and yet you can't

empty , wrong , so wrong, sad , a hole lingering

hating that hole , that missing feeling that should be there

but it isn't , times ruined by your hurt inner world

days destroyed because you feel nothing

being in social situations , wanting to connect

but there's nothing there, you just feel in a hole and by yourself

memories , good memories, there aren't too many to speak of

to be honest with you , and it saddens my mind , my soul

i'm a person too , nobody nice deserves pain

not the amount i've been through

human beings are not made to hurt so much

to go through hell , to be put to the test by life

their not made to withstand so much bad

they are made to live, to feel , to experience

to feel good as well as bad

don't get me wrong , there have been '' times'

where i can rightly say i've felt good or atleast '' half normal ''

but if there were a sliding scale, a percentage for good and bad

then the bad would definately outweigh the good by a long shot

so i guess that life is like a stupid indifferent card dealer

randomly throwing out inconsiderate cards to the nicest of people

throwing them the ugly life when actually , they deserve the pretty one

or at least the prettier one, the fairer one

why is it '' good people '' get so much bad

why is it fair for someones life to be messed up

when they never asked for it to be messed up

they never asked for problems, for hurt , pain , fear

and yet, this is exactly what they receive

in a life which is meant for living

they spend so much time hurting, missing out , crying , waiting

we have to endure the bad, is there a reason for this

why should we be forced to suffer

forced to be under torment

forced to be saddened

by a life which is ours to live

i ask myself so much of the time

why me, am i a bad person , why does life have to be cruel

is life picking on me, have i been somehow cursed in life

am i being punished for a past life

i don't get it , i don't understand

memories, good memories, we all want them

there should be more within my hurting mind

and yet, i struggle to see many

to picture a fantastic day where i felt amazing

lived, danced, enjoyed myself truly , within my mind

where is it , why are those true pictures not there

why have i missed out , why do others receive

feel , and i lose , i'm denied memories, denied experiences

why ? isn't it my right to live, to feel , to enjoy

to hold good memories within my mind

if it is my right, why are the memories so very lacking

wow, it's so unfair when others have so many good memories

pictures in their minds, photos of good days out

they can look back at them and say , that was a good day and smile

i can't, i don't, i lack in experiences where others gain so many

if life is for living why have i been forced to miss out

why the denial , why has life been this way

now i have to stop the poem, because it saddens me to talk about it

even to think back and realise theres not enough there

all i've done is miss out

life is cruel , not sure i can make sense of it

struggled for years to understand the life i have been given

nevermind then , i guess i'l end the poem here

nothing left to say , life's not life if it is not truly lived