Broken

Keep trying to hide my head
Never aware of what goes on
Blurring my mind i feel half dead
Clouded and foggier than before
Shaking it off as best I can
Seeming to cut deeper more

Being told you’re worthless
A drug addict cross dressing piece of trash
Eventually seems more true as if slander is worth the press
Tearing me down daily
Effortlessly not considering the effects it has

Drowning it out with another pill I hide palely
Zombified appearing more sane
Remembering the time i didn’t crave another
But with assistance I can forget your name
Forget the years being trapped
Forget everything i am without the blame
I get for needing something
To drown out the noise even for a few hours

Louder again they return
I am weaker knowing I can’t find my power
To overcome who I was always told i would become
Changing everything to return to my head
The thing that brought this on
craving to have just one
Truth behind the fact that pills don’t last forever
Being crazy is something i must accept
Knowing that hearing myself will never

Be possible even with medication
Learning to cope I begin to draw what i hear
My voices become my inspiration
Finally away from drugs
I struggle every day with cravings
Everything I’ve done bugs
Me more at least bars were consistent
But I’ve finally been able to sort out who I am

Years later without assistance
I am my own person and they can’t talk me down anymore
Naturally I have instincts
To do what’s right in my life
Freely I can make my own decisions

Help people like me gain the confidence without the knife
To be themselves with the voices
To manage their own life with extra thoughts
Even sort through the doubt and rejoice
In the added obstacle our minds bring

I am weird and have a unique outlook on things
But I am not trash nor will I ever let myself be again
While the pain still pings
My thoughts though racing do contain
I find strength in my mind that I’ve never considered before
Further depth than the sane
I am me broken and moving forward