Free

Awesome is being able to wake up and say I’m okay,
and to be able to drag myself out of bed,
morning,
after morning,
after morning,
and being able to make it through the day,
without once having to stop and keep my chest from suppressing my lungs,
not allowing me to breathe,
struggling for even the shallowest of breaths in a crowded hallway,
where all I can feel are gleaming eyes staring at me,
and feel the voice of paranoia whispering in my ear.
Awesome is finally being able to take a test in a silent room.
Usually the absence of noise makes my skin crawl,
and my heart beat faster,
and allows the panic to claw its way up my throat.
But awesome is the absence of this feeling,
awesome is the free feeling in my chest when I’m able to
properly function with people surrounding me.
Awesome is looking myself and the mirror,
and seeing what everyone else sees.
It has taken me so long to fight back the fear,
and block out the words of hatred
to finally see who I really am.
Awesome is being able to breathe,
to allow myself to feel,
to no longer feel the panic seizing my brain,
and to finally be free.