deepundergroundpoetry.com
You Can Fly
A simple grin
An empty smile
An endless lie -
Its worth the while.
No one knows the pain within,
No one sees the hell you're in.
A secret kept for an eternity,
A barrier built of dishonesty.
A broken soul
A shattered spirit
You cry and cry,
But no one can hear it.
You drown deep in misery,
The air leaves your lungs,
Your body sinks.
A sea of doubt and fear,
An ocean of regret,
This may be your death.
You say goodbye,
You close your eyes,
Finally free, Finally relieved
For once, you can fly.
Published 8th Feb 2018
Author's Note
This is an older drabble of my mine that I found in my phone. It was inspired off a song called “Spread Your Wings” by Queen (written by John Deacon). If you have any feedback/edits on this please let me know, I'm submitting this to see if it's any good and how I can turn something old and not that great into a fresher work.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 715
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Feb 2018 6:05pm
Hello, this is my first ever read on this site and I like it.
First of all this poem gives me two different thoughts, one about freedom which feels really comforting and on the other hand there's a sign of death hovering somewhere behind the words.
There are both intense and soothing feelings in the poem, and I like how it ends the pain of the soul in the end.
Well done!
First of all this poem gives me two different thoughts, one about freedom which feels really comforting and on the other hand there's a sign of death hovering somewhere behind the words.
There are both intense and soothing feelings in the poem, and I like how it ends the pain of the soul in the end.
Well done!
8th Feb 2018 6:09pm
Thank you, and I'm glad you liked it. At the time when I wrote this, I was going through a bit of a rough patch in my life so the fact that those thoughts were able to come through from underneath the words is interesting.
9th Feb 2018 1:14am
Welcome to DU =)
This is beautifully written, honestly I wouldn't change a thing. It is often that I have thought my own poetry 'not that great' but this may just be a curse of poets; we don't know how good we are until we start sharing our ink with others and get feedback on it. Having said that, if you're still not happy with any of your own writings or think they could use some polishing, check out the Group "Honestly Crafted Critique." You will find friendly and constructive criticism from fellow poets there =)
Again, great write ava! I personally find myself writing more inspired pieces when I am experiencing struggle in my life. Poetry is a great way of expressing and releasing such things. The title and ending line really bring a crisp beauty to such sad thoughts.
This is beautifully written, honestly I wouldn't change a thing. It is often that I have thought my own poetry 'not that great' but this may just be a curse of poets; we don't know how good we are until we start sharing our ink with others and get feedback on it. Having said that, if you're still not happy with any of your own writings or think they could use some polishing, check out the Group "Honestly Crafted Critique." You will find friendly and constructive criticism from fellow poets there =)
Again, great write ava! I personally find myself writing more inspired pieces when I am experiencing struggle in my life. Poetry is a great way of expressing and releasing such things. The title and ending line really bring a crisp beauty to such sad thoughts.
9th Feb 2018 12:43pm
Thank you so much, I honestly wasn’t sure if I should have even posted this poem but now that I see what other people think its easier to gauge how a poem really is. I’ excited to post more on this site.
9th Feb 2018 12:44pm
Thank you so much, I honestly wasn’t sure if I should have even posted this poem but now that I see what other people think its easier to gauge how a poem really is. I’ excited to post more on this site.
10th Feb 2018 1:26am
Anonymous
- Edited 26th May 2018 6:48pm
8th Mar 2018 8:05pm
<< post removed >>
9th Mar 2018 00:37am
Thank you, I wasnt sure if I wanted to post this at first but its good to know its well received.
Anonymous
- Edited 26th May 2018 6:48pm
9th Mar 2018 1:06am
<< post removed >>
