I WISH I COULD REMEMBER..I DONT...BUT I WISH (The aftershock of PTSD)

I wish i could remember
I dont but I wish
I’m not stupid i promise
I didnt get hit in the head or had an all of sudden attack of amnesia
I wish i could remember
I dont but i wish
Its sad when your family says what about the time when…
We should go back there again…
I try to play along and then
Nothing
Its frustrating when people tell you about your own life
Like my brain in a vhs tape that has to keep getting rewound and rewound except they dont sell rewind machines anymore, no more blockbuster, yet i still get fined, dammit rewind rewind
And i press play where i need to
I wish I could remember
I dont but  wish
 PTSD?
Nah hell no not me
I’m just busy, if its not on my calendar it wont happen
Rehearsal 1-3, Danceschool 5-7, pay car payment, get toothpaste, follow up with interview, wax upper lip, pack gym clothes
I wish I could remember
I dont but I wish
Wait did you tell me that already?
I’m sorry am I repeating myself
Im 29 i swear im not that old am i?
I mean shit i have the occasional rogue chin hair, maybe its an italian thing
My brain has thoughts i swear it does not just some high pitched drawn out ring
Tell me about my life
Was it beautiful, was it fun, like a lifetime special that just came updone
I wish I could remember
I dont but i wish