Pixie

When water is cold
It becomes a reflection
Of all shades of light

It started the night I was fourteen,
His thin T-shirt, my black boots
On the rooftop above the flashing city
Fingers the color of powdery soot
Wrists covered in mud and scars
The boy I thought I loved toking
Daydreaming far above in the stars
Half dozing and half smoking
It kissed me
And my ability to see color without it shattered

Chemicals had already been curled in my mind
And I realized I was born
From sadness and destruction intertwined
An addictive personality, mental illnesses to mourn
But when my heart stuttered in the dawn
Light resonating from within my pale veins
It's softness seduced me like a black swan
Bittersweetness seeping from it like a beckoning hurricane
He pulled out a mirror
And asked for fire

It's calling, it's calling, it's always calling
Murmuring, whispering, screaming
My skin, my eyes, my life was scratched raw
Nothing was real or at all like it seemed
I lived to forget, I breathed to fall into the highs
Self destructing spark by spark
Day by day, I felt my heart and mind crystallize
And the light in my eyes finally went dark
The sunset had never
Been so horrifying, morbid, and gruesome

The world was black and white,
Stinging and condescending
Nothing but artificial, blinking lights
And a silence that never ascended
Demons clawed at my eyelashes
And the doctors tore at my mind
Stuck with white walls, a bed, a living lie
I was the only one that knew everyone else was blind
They told me
I was a danger to myself
That it was better
To be locked away

I told them
I rather be dying
Than never happy