I wish I could blame you for all this.

Feeling like I've been asleep for 26 days.  
Creeping out of bed in the early AM,  
Walking to the bathroom putting my fist through the wall.  
As I feel my brain crack, crack, crack,  
SNAP.  
Gone,  
Lost again.  
Falling into rage and obsession.  
I see mirrors,  
But I never see anything in them!  
And I want to blame you for all of this!  
But I can’t….  
It’s just me.  
And I lie to myself everyday saying,  
“its okay, you’re doing all that you can”  
Sitting in the corner crying,  
Swaying.  
Repeating to myself that this isn't me,  
I’m just sick.  
I've been taught these things,  
I've been shown this temper.  
Watching my fists bleed...  
 
 
How bizarre is it that I scare myself?  
Cause I can see you take over my mind.  
And I’m back to a time where you made it impossible to sleep.

And you’re the last person I would ever want to be,  
Then why am I like you right now!?  
 
I’m worried of the things I am capable of,  
I have no idea what my limits are.  
 
Do they exist?  
 
I sit here,  
Screaming.  
Trying to convince myself that I’m not like you.  
 
 
“I’m not like him,  
I'm not like him.  
I’m not him,  
I hate him,  
I wont be him,  
I promised mum.  
Don’t give in,  
Fight it.  
I’m not him,  
Fight him”  
 
 
 
-"Writing about this temper I have, again..."  
 
NJT