Depression

Depression

Sitting alone in my room with the lights turned off hoping for peace to find my soul,
but I’m anxious and feeling uneasy, maybe I need to go for a stroll
but I find it difficult to move, difficult to function with the darkness crippling me.
It controls me to a large degree.
Some days I feel fine, others I beg for death to come and put an end to this misery.
Why people feel this way remains a mystery.

I look fine on the outside and have my life put together yet darkness consumes my body, mind and soul.
There are days I feel like going outside and digging a hole
that can be used as my grave once the bullet pierces my brain.
I apologize in advance to whoever has to clean up the bloodstains.

My therapist has given me a large bottom of pills I’m supposed to take to calm my ass down
before I lose my shit, paint my face like a clown and kill someone.
But that’s where he’s wrong, I don’t want to kill anyone, only myself at times,
and I’m not crazy, for him to say so should be a crime.
My mind is a sharp as ever and continues to create amazing art.
I’m a hard worker, a good person and really fucking smart.
The darkness inside of me is not a mental illness as he claims.
I refuse to take your pills Dr. James.
Pills lead to addiction, a problem I never want to have to face.
This crippling darkness already has me in a bad enough place.
I keep this darkness a secret and to myself of course.
It’s something modern society will never endorse.
You come out with having “depression” or so the call it and you’re label damaged goods
that needs to be hauled off deep into the woods
to be hung up on a noose and mocked for being a weird little fuck
and have everyone laugh at you and say you should be tied down ran over with a truck.

The darkness you feel when you are “depressed” is not a mental illness.
No, no, no it’s something much more vicious.  
It’s not even a part of you, more of an invasive species
whose main goal is to destroy you worse than a disease like cancer and diabetes.
It’s a living, breathing entity separate from you
yet still part of you at the same time.

I have unlocked its mystery and have figured out once and for all just what it is I and many other secretly battle day after day.
It’s a demon that has attached itself to you and is set on taking you away from the light and dragging you into the dark.
I feel this thing living in me, gnawing away at me trying in vain to wear me down and take my life.
It tries daily to drag me away from my rock, my future wife and pull me towards a knife.
It smiles at me and wants me to end my sad, miserable life since no one gives a shit about me and won’t miss me when I’m gone.
It tells me it is in control of me and that I’m it’s pawn.
I once did a cleansing on myself to ride myself of the demon within.
I thought I defeated him but he came back and punched me hard on the chin.
I felt good immediately after the cleansing and thought I had driven the demon off,
but that night he came back to show me his scoff.

I woke up that night and saw the fiend sitting on my computer chair.
I could sense is anger and felt is evil glare.
He showed me just what I’m and many others are up against in their battle against “depression.”
Demons are real and they are full of ruthless aggression.
Pills won’t do anything to help you save your soul from the devil.
All you can do is fight back to keep yourself level.
Believe in the one true god and turn to him and guide you through these dark days.
Maybe one day soon you will be able to look back at these dark times as a faze.