there's so much oxygen

I never needed you, I never once needed you
But I thought of you like oxygen, I had myself convinced I'm going to die without you
but life will go on


and that may depend on if I kill myself or not
but we don't need each other to live
I would just rather share my life with you.

you are the oxygen I breathe
But there is more
I will not suffocate without you when you decide to leave me
I will convince myself of that
I will try too

say it over and over
but when the words slide off my tongue
they don't sound real

I don't know how to believe myself when my voice doesn't sound like me
you are like a cigarette
I cannot get enough of you
but sometimes it's too cold to go out for one
I am addicted to you
I can go 6 hours without you but believe me I am irritable

my tongue becomes a knife
a shotgun bullet to the heart
boom bam shit
my bipolar disorder gets the best of me

But i will not suffocate without you.
I will miss you more than I miss the moon during the night, the stillness of my house at 3 am when the only thing I want to hear is your soft breathe.
And the sound of the bed rustling from you reaching out for me
but perhaps I will learn to breathe in a different way when you leave
maybe my lungs won't be so full of tar its hard to breathe

I don't want you to take any of this as an insult
I want you to see this as me coming to terms with however our journey may go.
I never needed you but God did I want you
I wanted you more than I wanted to breathe
so when you leave
I will find a way to breathe again
this will not be the end for me.
this will not be the end for you.
we never needed each other
but our hearts grew together

and our want was more power than need.