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Welcome to DUP Awesome ink to start off with 😊

Thank you, I can't believe I was so apprehensive to share on here, what a lovely community.

It’s the best place to share with fellow poets 😊

Fantastic write Rosemary_M

you capture us right out of the gates with the 1st line
"Power cables are the lines on the page of my morning sky"

the second stanza  a diligence and persistence come across with the
focus being taken then,I plow on regardless, keeping my pace

i really like the 3rd stanza
"My finger tracing the words I wrote in the sky"- i imagine writing words with sparklers in the night or  pushing the clouds around with fingers to form words from a bus seat through the window.

i Love the feeling and idea of a bustling city , almost too busy to notice me watching it's every move

"Though my lips part with no sound as people pass by."- wanting to speak your mind, making the move by a freeze comes over your body, breaking us for just a moment.

"I try to make sense of the scribbles in my mind;" - it's the greatest thing i've finally chosen to just give in and flow with the river ...even if it drown's me.

"I stumbles & fall over my feet; under their eyes" - we're always being watched, falling and picking ourselves is one of the best parts.

"I strike my sentence & ignore that I'd tripped. " - i like the following and sounding action that followed

"The air, now thick & mottled with gray and white"- reminds me of smog hanging, or fog floating on a harbor.i enjoy you used "mottled".

"Causes creases in the page with the contours of a cloud"- as if the page and the sky become one wrapping as a blanket for the gods.

"My paper filled with rushed cursive & dots of ink"-cursive wins me over every time, the loops,the curves careening ...it's perfect.

"Smudged thoughts & etched in words I can't say aloud"-scared they know what we think, what we really feel or possibly still frozen in time ticking like the mad hatter,we're all late at one time or another.

splendid writing
it has good structure
vocabulary
style
and imagery

well penned
keep'em coming.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comments and help.

Very James Joyceiian...

Its pretty hard not to with pieces about consciousness. Ha ha!  

great first piece. You captured the writer's feelings magnificently as they struggle to get their art just so:) And the opening line is genius metaphor...I don't say that often..

Cosmic_Enigma

Thank you, that means so much to me coming from you.

I hope there's more,
although, if there's not,
this is quite sufficient ..
an excellent poem

Thank you so much, I think I may have to wait until after exam season before I post another.

That's so kind of you to say, thank you.

I absolutely love this poem and the imagery you've used. Well done!

Rhythmic style and narrative coupled with your story telling nous make for a compelling read .x

Hello and welcome! Great use of metaphors to convey vivid emotions and mood! My critique, and this is only my opinion, would be to say to you what someone told me when I began writing poetry,  "poetry is saying what you have to say in the only way that it can be said," and, "forget trying to adhere to others standards and critiques as well - write only to please yourself however raw or refined you chose it to be."

Peace & Love

Fantastic first piece, I love the way it flows with the rhythm. Really well written!