I wanted to die

The mind is a curious thing, It can break, just shatter under the onslaught of thoughts, and words of hate like knives to the brain.
Think you are tough, but all can break, I broke, I shattered, my mind, just give up the fight.
All that I have endured in this life and one small thing broke this bitches back.
Never saw it coming, never expected it.
Thought I was made of tougher stuff,
I have had broken bones, covered from head to toe in bruises, internally as well as externally,
Father that stabbed me, raped and assaulted me. all before i reached 10
I have rose from the ashes so many times,
Phoenix I am not, just a survivor, who picked herself up and just carried on,
I have a heart, I love very few people, but those I do, I do it with my whole heart.
Friendship to me is more important than family, because I CHOOSE YOU, family do not have a choice.
trust that is broken, can never be repaired.
Opened my self up, and laid my self bare.
2018 Can not come quick enough.
SUZZIE IS STILL HERE.
Just a little tired, a little worn, and whole lot scared.
What If I can't do it, the hill is so high to climb,
Can I rise again, yes definitely but
never to be the same again.
You see Last week I took a razor blade to my wrists, oh silly silly me.
Children found, mom on floor, from where I had crawled, in pain
so deep, it shattered me.
Life got to much, I GOT TO MUCH,
Thought the world would be better off with out me.
Laid on a table been stitched up, gentle whispers in my ear.
My daughter mommy please stay here.
Shame Like I have never felt, wafted over me,
like a thunderbolt but it gave me a jolt.
What am I DOING, my children, my heart my joy.
THEY NEED ME HERE.
so sent the Reaper back, I am still needed for just a little longer