Payment

 What did I do?
Why are people so cruel?

I didn't ask for high expectations,.
I didn't ask
for painful critism.

Am I paying off an unknown debt?
Do I deserve this?

What have I been working for in the past?
What am I repaying?

I didn't ask
people to hit me.
I didn't ask
for help.
I do my best to face everyday,
 I try to be what everyones expects of me.
What everyone wnts.

Why, then, do they hurt me?
Why am I such a dissapointment?

People laugh at me
I shake it off.
People judge me
I try not to care.
People hurt me
I show my weakness
because i will never be strong enough.
To bear the burden of this secret strom.

A boulder on my back
my personel rock of guilt, shame, fear
everything I'm not supposed to show.

But I'm sure it must show.
I'm holding the world
on my shoulders.

Everybody is counting on me.
To choose light.
To choose right.
How stupid would it be to leave a decision up to  me
They don't expect me to choose.
I'm programmed to follow orders.
I was designed to do this.
for fear of disapointment.
I'll never be enough for anyone,
Ever